On BM segments

"Dad, I had three poo-poos. Two big ones and one small one. Poo-poos take turns coming out."

On gender roles

"Dads are mans, moms are humans."

Yes, he said this earnestly, although I suspect he meant women. All the same, out of the mouths of babes come great truths. If we decipher his kidspeak, we find that men are apes, while women are more highly evolved. Grunt.

On the circle of life

To mom: "You and dad are gonna die first."

On rhymming a family's needs

"Dad, we don't need appetizers, we need sanitizer!"

On the spelling of drinking vessels

[As heard by Dad]
Theo: I want to see you pee [garbled].
Dad: What!? You want to see me pee?
Theo: I want the see you pee cup!
Mom: [Fits of laughter]
Dad: [Between spasms] Oh...the C-U-P cup...

The C-U-P cup was given to Theo by a daycare provider when he learned to spell "cup". It is a favorite of both the children, but I had never been caught off-guard until now. This conversation mirrors a (practical) joke that was told to me in first grade.

Antagonist: Spell iCup.
Me: I-C-U-P.
Antagonist: Stop looking at me while I'm peeing. That's gross.

And here 22 years later, I fell for it again. It was much funnier the second time around.