Theo's Quotations

On Mama's allergies

2009-05-13T15:43:00.001-07:00

"Maybe you're allergic to pollen...

There's only one way to find out—take your blood pressure."

Upon seeing a "No Outlet" sign

2009-03-22T20:37:00.000-07:00

"To me, a cul de sac is like a sack that's cold."

I somehow maintained control of the truck while laughing uncontrollably.

On where to find good music

2009-02-06T16:58:00.000-08:00

Theo (singing): She's got a ticket to ri-ide, She's got a ticket to ri-i-ide...
Dad: Theo, where did you learn that song?
Theo: Chuck-E-Cheese's dot com!

On bat waste

2009-02-01T13:19:00.000-08:00

"Dad, do bats poo and pee?"

On MLK day

2009-01-24T09:53:00.000-08:00

(To Mom) "Do you know what Martin Luther King, Jr., did? He helped it so that white people and brown people could live together. Like, I'm white and you're brown."

On how to get home early from a party

2008-10-04T12:21:00.000-07:00

Theo: "Can we go to Alonso's house after the party?"

Mama: "No, it will be too late."

Theo: "Then don't talk. 'Cause that's what makes it late, is when you talk."

On alternative uses for a house

2008-09-19T19:22:00.000-07:00

"Mom, what if you used your whole house as underwear?"

"...if you pulled it out of the ground and used it as underwear..."

"That would be too big for any person, right?"

On mad Sudoku skills

2008-09-19T18:23:00.002-07:00

"Mommy, can you teach me Sudoku? Because you are the master."

On being the boss

2008-09-19T18:23:00.001-07:00

"Why do mommies get to be the boss of daddies even though mommies are littler?"

On unpleasant sounds

2008-09-10T16:06:00.001-07:00

"Ow, mom, that's hurting me. Because whenever I hear a piece of metal rubbing against another piece of metal, I kinda wiggle."

On raccoons

2008-08-24T08:43:00.000-07:00

"Now that I know that raccoons eat trash, I hate raccoons."

The full story is, raccoons were getting into our trash can outside the house. Theo was really upset that raccoons were very rudely dumping over our trash can and making a big mess.

On pirate nutrition

2008-06-13T17:52:00.000-07:00

"Mom, how do pirates get to eat?"

On Wideness

2008-05-28T19:45:00.000-07:00

Mama: "I'll leave the door wide-open. Wide-open like a...like...hmmm..."

Theo: "Like Uncle Casper! But his wide went away. He used to be fat."

On large plants

2008-03-25T06:31:00.000-07:00

"Dad, trees are just big sticks with leaves on top, right?"

..followed shortly by,

"Dad, are there any bean stalks?"

On the Rules of Bowling

2008-01-20T07:32:00.000-08:00

"Ruby, you can't shake your booty in this game."
- Theo, in an improvised bowling game downstairs

(One can only wonder if it was a victory dance, an attempt to influence the trajectory of a ball, etc.)

On BM segments

2007-12-09T14:37:00.000-08:00

"Dad, I had three poo-poos. Two big ones and one small one. Poo-poos take turns coming out."

On gender roles

2007-12-03T19:46:00.000-08:00

"Dads are mans, moms are humans."

Yes, he said this earnestly, although I suspect he meant women. All the same, out of the mouths of babes come great truths. If we decipher his kidspeak, we find that men are apes, while women are more highly evolved. Grunt.

On the circle of life

2007-12-03T18:54:00.000-08:00

To mom: "You and dad are gonna die first."

On rhymming a family's needs

2007-12-03T18:52:00.000-08:00

"Dad, we don't need appetizers, we need sanitizer!"

On the spelling of drinking vessels

2007-12-03T18:44:00.000-08:00

[As heard by Dad]
Theo: I want to see you pee [garbled].
Dad: What!? You want to see me pee?
Theo: I want the see you pee cup!
Mom: [Fits of laughter]
Dad: [Between spasms] Oh...the C-U-P cup...

The C-U-P cup was given to Theo by a daycare provider when he learned to spell "cup". It is a favorite of both the children, but I had never been caught off-guard until now. This conversation mirrors a (practical) joke that was told to me in first grade.

Antagonist: Spell iCup.
Me: I-C-U-P.
Antagonist: Stop looking at me while I'm peeing. That's gross.

And here 22 years later, I fell for it again. It was much funnier the second time around.

Long time no post

2007-10-26T22:34:00.000-07:00

Theo says so many funny or nice things, but it's a lot easier to just enjoy them instead of focusing on writing them down. Same for Ruby, who deserves her own quotes page. Maybe I'll try to post a few, just for the future's sake, but don't hold your breath.

On the refreshing nature of showers and lotion

2007-01-19T18:12:00.000-08:00

"I love the feeling of myself."

On Hugs

2007-01-10T02:27:00.000-08:00

"Dad, I like hugs."

On poo

2006-12-21T19:02:00.000-08:00

"Mom, remember last night I went poo? It was big. And my poo looked like it had wings. It was a flying poo."

On the Spelling of Dads' Names

2006-08-28T09:41:00.000-07:00

"My dad's name starts with D.... Hey, yours does, too!" (reported by Sara)

On Where the Crayon-like Clowns Live

2006-08-07T17:48:00.000-07:00

"The clowns aren't here. All the clowns live in the clown house."

On the Sanitary Habits of Owls

2006-08-07T17:47:00.000-07:00

"Owls should poo in the potty, not on us." (A big owl did on Dad)

On growing

2006-07-28T20:53:00.000-07:00

"When I grow up, I can reach that. But when I grow down, I can't reach it anymore."

Conversation

2006-07-21T18:18:00.000-07:00

Theo: Ralphie, I killed all the dinosaurs!
Ralphie: Good job Theo, you saved the world!

On What Grampa, Grandma, Lolo Rudy, and Lola Linda Eat

2006-05-30T17:44:00.000-07:00

"Old people eat crabs."

On market niches

2006-04-07T20:42:00.000-07:00

"You go to the toothpaste store to get me some more?"

On resiliency

2006-03-24T16:35:00.000-08:00

"Look at this ant. I poured water on it, and I squooshed it, and it is STILL swimming."

On Why Giana Cried Before Going to the Doctor

2006-03-24T15:22:00.000-08:00

"The doctor lady was going to take out her heart."

On myopia

2006-03-08T06:10:00.000-08:00

"You wear glasses because of your hopia."

On the things that make a person likeable

2006-02-22T20:37:00.000-08:00

"I like you, Mama. I like your eyeglasses. I like your arm and your hair, and this book that you got from the library."

On brushing teeth

2006-02-21T21:01:00.000-08:00

"I don't want to brush my teeth again. I already did it yestertime."

On barbecue sauce

2006-02-21T21:00:00.000-08:00

"Barbecue sauce is too tasty."